I
am going to be completely honest: I am a huge romantic. I love love…and as
such, I certainly adore the idea of a specific day being set aside to celebrate
love. Unfortunately, though, I haven’t had much luck with Valentine’s Day!
My
earliest memory of the holiday is of my bubble literally bursting after a
package I found in my schoolbag (and had been so excited about) revealed a
rusty GL neck-chain which my secret crush -who sadly, wasn’t the guy I fancied
at the time- had obtained from his grandmother’s box of rejected pieces of
jewelry and placed in a card designed with the picture of a half-eaten apple
and a mouth that said “You are so delicious”.
Even
worse was Valentine’s Day 2008, My 3rd year at Covenant University, when a
porter at Deborah Hall, one of school hostels, seized the bag of provisions my
mother had sent to me through a family friend, Obinna, with claims that
Valentine gifts were not allowed from males at the female hostels. The thought
of that day still brings tears to my eyes. It was the worst experience ever.
Not only did I have to deal with the pain of realizing that I would have to
survive the next 4 weeks without Milk, Milo, Rice Krispies, Titus Sardines and
other school-life necessities, I also had to sit through hours of watching other
girls gush over the Val gifts their boyfriends managed to smuggle into the hall
and silently wonder when “amoshine”.
Over
the years, I have come to realize that contrary to what romantic comedies had
me believing since I was about 6, Valentine’s Day actually isn’t all that
great. In reality, it is more like a number of the fancy clubs on Lagos Island-
the idea of the club is way better than the actual club in itself. The music is
so loud you are in a constant state of stress; the people suck; you spend so
much money but never have any fun really; yet, you keep coming back, telling
yourself that will it get better.
Let’s
face it, Nigerians are submerged in the cultural hypnosis that nudges them to
associate true love and commitment with Valentine’s Day. I consider this a form
of “conditioning” as the Valentine’s Day of today so obviously has nothing to
do with real love.
It is now a highly commercialized day of forced love with
the main beneficiaries being brands that get to sell you anything from red flowers
and chocolates to exorbitant destination getaways. Even worse, having a date on
this day, also, has become a status symbol more than anything else, and for
some God-knows-why reason, being able to celebrate Valentine’s Day means that
you are somehow better or more successful than your single friends.
Quite
honestly, the level of pressure this holiday brings is worse than that of a
shaken bottle of Coke. The singles who dream of being coupled up, face the
pressure of finding a date at all costs; those who are dating feel the pressure
to find the ultimate gift or pull off the most original and meaningful romantic
gesture ever; and Nigerian girls who like to show off their Val gifts certainly
do not want to be at the bottom of the totem pole, so, they weary their
men and literally everyone else with their demands. In fact, even the men
-especially the stingy and weak ones- who do not want to deal with all the
pressure, say and do all they can to get away with not celebrating it. You find
them making such silly statements as “every day is Valentine’s day”, “Can’t you
see it’s quarter to Buhari O’clock?”, or “Love should be spontaneous and not
contrived, Valentine’s day defeats that purpose”. Some even go as far as
breaking up with their girlfriends days before February 14th.
The
truth is, Valentine’s Day celebrations is not a do-or-die affair. The choice to
go ahead with the celebration is up to you and if you decide you don’t want it
or that the day is not for you, no one will kill you (hopefully). Of course, the
sentiment behind the day is probably worth celebrating but…whether you choose
to abstain from the celebrations, or whether you go along with the
commercialized way we presently celebrate the holiday, note that your grand
gestures will not be able to replace emotional intimacy if the security of your
bond is already in question.
Also, for those who are single and filled with
resentment for people with partners to celebrate the holiday with…please,
"Stop it. Stop jealous". The day is not just for those who have
partners, and as such, you are not required to have a “bae” to enjoy it. Make
the most of the day. And if not for anything, take full advantage of this day
because it is a day in your life.
I
am hoping this February 14th will be pleasant for everyone really.
Surely, every Nigerian can use a bit of love at this time as we keep standing
together #IstandwithNigeria
Happy
Valentine’s Day!
*Nkem
Ndem contributed this from Lagos, nkemndemv@gmail.com.
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